Brooke's Turmoil
by hpteefan
Summary: Characters are from OTH but different character personalities than the show. Brooke is growing up and finding out who her real friends are, first love, heartbreak. BRULIAN. Anti Peyton, Lucas, Lindsey
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of One Tree Hill.

**Brooke's Turmoil**

I like to think to a certain degree we all believe in karma. That when you do something good, something good will happen to you and when you do something bad…well you know how it goes. I am not a writer, I am not a story teller and I am not here to change lives. I just believe the only way to get my life together is by telling the world my story. The true story.

My earliest memory is one of pain. Not the physical "oh dear god my arm is being pulled out of my socket" type pain, but one that ran a lot deeper for a lot longer and that changed the person I believe I was meant to be. So what caused this life changing pain you may ask, well let me start at the beginning.

I always empathized the most out of everyone in my family. It wasn't sympathy which is feeling compassion for another person but full blown, I put myself in their shoes and feel the pain, sorrow and happiness to that level. Now this might sounds touching but in all honesty it broke me.

I grew up in a middle class family. I always had enough to eat, a place to stay, presents, candy and well I was never lacking in anything. My parents were happily married and my older brother took care of me more than anyone I can imagine. We were the stepford family. Perfection. Well perfection except for one family member…me. I wanted to grow up to be special and loved by all and well when that didn't happen I built that life in my head and every turn I convinced those around me that I was someone amazing. It always was the little things I felt the need to exaggerate. To my best friends I would spin this wonderful tale of how much my ex bf wanted me back "and then he messages me while he's at his current girlfriends house basically telling me how much I mean to him and how I am the girl that's the game changer" to telling my ever trusting parents how their princess was a genius "my tutor was like telling me how he will nominate me for an award that only 5 people have ever been nominated for in NSW". So many lies but the problem was I believed them wholeheartedly. But now I am getting ahead of myself, after all you can't portray me as the antagonist of the story yet.

**Chapter 1**

"Brooke!" screams my ever energetic best friend Peyton or better known as PSawyer. It's the first day back from our summer break and though we had seen each other almost every other day during the holidays, the excitement to be back on our turf as year 10 students, well it was overwhelming.

"Baby girl! I missed you so so so so so much" I marvel back. See we went to an all-girls school and one thing about my gender is that if we don't feel important we shun you for life. Now when you are 15 or 16, I think a bullet to the head is better than being shunned by your peers so you tell your bestie that she is the only one you trust, you exaggerate every emotion by at least 4 times (please refer to the number of so's above) and you make sure they feel like their life without you is un-f*cking-imaginable.

"Brookie, I can't believe we are in year 10. In 2 months and 19 days I will be able to drive a vehicle like what the eff and not to mention I can have you know what with boys".

"PSawyer you need to learn to say the word before doing the deed darls and we both know that you getting a license will be epic for us but terrifying for the general public.

You see I am THAT girl. Humor in that dry, sarcastic, the world is just okay type of way. Year 10 is probably the first year in my life I liked what I saw in the mirror but prior to this I was an awkward little girl so I knew I wasn't going to be smart girl, pretty girl, and talented girl so I finally settled upon funny in an ever so subtle way girl. Now you might ask what on earth happened in year 10 for me to be fawning over myself and all I'll say is I got rid of my glasses and convinced my folks to get me contacts, my amazing brother purchased what I call the guy magnet i.e. a hair straightening that turned by obnoxious curls into long dark tresses and god finally decided I deserved to get my period so I lost about 10 kgs. So there you have it and the end result was well appealing enough. I was pretty not sexy or hot but as the men that have entered myself throughout the years would say "Brooke you are girlfriend material not a one night stand". PSawyer on the other hand was gorgeous, okay well she had the most amazing body. One of those Barbie doll figures with nice boobs, great ass and a tiny waist. And even though she was not graced with the best skin on earth with her often exclaiming my dry skin is the what she envies the most because that means I physically can't get pimples, she had this uber confidence that just made me think everyone loves her because why the hell wouldn't you. Leeli was a few months younger than me (yes I could do you know what with boys if I wanted to) but I really looked up to her and I really saw her as my sister. Her family was not as comfortable financially as I was but from dinners to clothes that girl ate and wore whatever she wanted because that's what best friends do. Boy would I live to regret those words one day.

So as we are walking towards class you hear numerous snippets of conversations ranging from "my parents are worse than the Nazi's" to "well she should have gone past second base if she wanted to keep him otherwise he is entitled to look elsewhere". Leeli and I both get some waves, hi's, timid smiles along the way.

"Still popular? Check!" exclaims PSawyer gleefully. I wouldn't dare tell her but those types of comments always bother me a little bit. It narrows our lives down to a very miniscule meaning and sometimes the shallowness is hard to overcome. But I smile and nod confidently. I reassure myself saying that I wanted to be popular, I wanted to be pretty, I wanted this life so to quit complaining and start embracing.

We enter class and walk towards the back to our usual seats. Two rows from the back and smack bang in the middle. Hard to be the center of attention if you aren't the center of the class right? We wait for Mr. Harper to come in and start the class and I turn to say something sarcastic to PSawyer when I notice she's whispering in Linsdey's ear and giggling hysterically.

Lindsey…hmm where do I begin with her? Lindsey is not my friend and she is not my enemy. We tolerate each other. When Julian my best friend of 15 years decided he wanted to invest in hair gel and started taking up track twice a week, a lot of girls noticed. And well a LOT of girls approached me about Julian, "is he single?" "Are you two an item?" "Tell him I give the best hand…" well you get the point. One of those girls was Lola, though her queries were less desperate and more glamourous somehow. See that's the thing about Lindsey she is the IT girl. You can be popular but then there's HER level. She has an aura and way about her that people just flock to. So yes when Lindsey Sanchez approaches you and voluntarily speaks to you, you respond. You do as she wants but she wanted something I couldn't really give her. She wanted Julian and well he isn't my property, contrary to what his darling mother seems to think. So I said I would speak to him and find out if he's interested and she just gave me this look and said "don't bother babe, I'll speak to him. I don't need a mediator when it comes to guys" and well I just felt stupid. Of course Lindsey effin Sanchez doesn't need me. So as predicted she spoke to Julian and now well she's the IT girl in the IT couple. I mean who needs Brangelina when you have Julsey right? And you'd think my best friend's girlfriend would be my friend at least by default or something but unfortunately Lindsey does not approve of Julz and my friendship. I hear constant bickering about how it's not right and how I am clearly obsessed with him and god bless Julz he constantly defends me which irks her to no end. But yet the fake pleasantries must continue.

But see recently Lindsey who is Lindzz to her friends (Lindsey to me apparently) has started infiltrating on different aspects of my life. At first I thought oh look she's in food technology clearly she enjoys cooking as much as I do. But then she was at my tennis lessons. Whenever Leeli and I would go to the mall or movies she would randomly be there. And then she started talking to Leeli like calling her at night and chatting for hours or giving her a random presents or passing notes to each other in class. And I wasn't too bothered at first but I noticed all these little things have started to put a strain on our friendship. For example last weekend I suggested we go down to the mall to get some last minute school supplies. PSawyer was excited then called me up to say that she will meet me there as Lindzz was coming down to drop something off. So I head down to meet her there and after a good 1.5 hours of waiting, involving numerous texts, WhatsApp messages and Facebook posts saying HEY WHERE ARE YOU? PSawyer shows up with Lindsey. They give some lame excuse about getting caught up stalking some guys profile on Facebook but as we are about to start walking into Typo (a cool overpriced stationary place) Lindsey gets a phone call, starts crying, whispers something to PSawyer and run off in tears. PSawyer turns to me and says I have to go with her Aish and also runs off. Now at this point I am concerned. As I previously mentioned my empathy is beyond normal so here I am running through numerous scenarios from a death in the family to bad test results to Julian getting hurt (I know morbid right). So I head back home and log into Facebook and what do I see?

_**Lindsey Sanchez is at Panzarottis with Peyton Sawyer – Lindz and Peyt doing what we do best, gossiping and indulging in carbs. Hey to my Facebook fans, ever try the sprint and ditch on a 'friend'? I HIGHLY recommend it ;) #sorrynotsorry #BESTIESforlife #hopeyougotanicepen #lovemyhandsomejulz**_

Now I realize I was not mentioned on this post whatsoever but COME ON. That was clearly a dig at me. I called PSawyer up that night and mentioned Lindsey's post only to get am awkward silence and then some spiel about being too sensitive. Now if you are over 25yrs old you are probably wondering why didn't I just show them the middle finger and be done with them right? Well all I'll say dear 25yr old or older, I only realized BFFs doesn't always mean forever when I turned that age. I didn't want to be isolated or mocked because clearly that was something funny and I should be pretty darn happy I was part of the prank. I know I know it sounds ridiculous. But blame it on puberty!

So back to class where "LP" are having a moment on their own. I sort of linger to see whether they will notice me but after a few awkward seconds I turn back to the front and stare at the front. In the midst of my overactive imagination I realize Mr. Harper has started talking about World War 2 and reading an excerpt by Adolf Hitler. Just as everyone is settling in, there's a knock on the door. Mr. Harper opens the door and walks out which is obviously enough reason for everyone to get distracted. A few seconds later he comes back in and with the most peculiar look on his face he says "Aisha can you come out here for a second".

Oh great what have I done now?

_So what do you guys think? The next few chapters include Julian and well the chemistry is undeniable. Please review and all comments are appreciated. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 **

So at this point I have thought of numerous excuses as to why I didn't do the thing I was going to be accused of doing even though I really don't think I did anything wrong 35 minutes into the first day of school for the year. I walk out and there is a gigantic and trust me when I say gigantic I mean like humongous display of flowers which are being held by one of the smallest delivery guys I have ever seen. This ridiculous display has tulips, lilies, orchids, red roses. It's a bloody floral garden. The delivery guy leaves looking very relieved. I look at Mr. Harper with my mouth slightly ajar already coming up with numerous ways to flee because you see at this point I have already confirmed in my head that my 45 year old, slightly balding History teacher is making some sort of romantic yet very pedophilic move on me.

"Now Brooker, I understand that you are a young attractive girl so this is to be expected" starts Mr. Harper

"I don't like you like that sir, I mean I think you are older than my dad…well probably not but you know what I mean. I won't tell anyone but I think you should respectfully resign because sir this is gross and you can't do these gestures than expect me to do an oral report about Hitler's Aryan race to you. Oh dear god I said oral and that might make you get excited but I am really young and very inexperienced not that, that matters because eww, no offence but eww and sir you can find someone your age, maybe a divorcee?" I stutter along while eyeing the fire exit nearby.

"Brooke!" interrupts Mr. Harper. "What on earth are you on about? I was saying that even though you may have a boyfriend or an admirer, school is NOT the place to have to have romantic moment. It's actually a security violation so even though I will let you accept these this time around because someone clearly forked out their allowance for these, for future reference they will be thrown in the bin. Do you understand?"

I nod looking down because at this point I am beyond mortified. I mean I called my history teacher a pedophile. "oh and Miss Davies I will be sure to let my wife aka Mrs. Harper know that my 16 year old student thinks I can still get the divorcees" says Mr. Harper with a smirk. Oh god why don't you just open up the floor and let it take me.

So I grab the flowers which is no easy feat and walk back into class. I hear a chorus of "Omg awwww" and numerous murmurs. Mr. Harper tells everyone to settle down but I know the minute the bell rings for morning tea I will be bombarded. And then it occurs to me that someone sent me a garden of flowers and I have no idea who it might be. When I was 11 years old Julian once picked a daisy like flower from the grass and gave it to me because he beat me at snap and I was sulking but that was my first and last experience of getting any type of flowers from the opposite sex. PSawyer and I use to make each other origami flowers until one day she took mine and said "it's about time we stop being girls and start being women" and threw the flower into her backpack. She was right of course. I look for a little card that usually comes with flowers as per every chick flick I have seen, I find the card and it reads:

_Brooke, a bit of romance for the girl with the twinkle in her eyes_

Wow this is deep. And okay whether you are 16 or 25 or 45, this was deep. But no name is signed. The card is printed so I can't go all Veronica Mars on it. As I am pondering whilst pretending to concentrate on the history lesson I catch PSawyer trying to make eye contact. I shrug at her to say 'I have no idea who and why these were sent to me'. I mean this guy (I assume it's a guy but I mean it's flattering either way) is calling me twinkle eyes well not really but you know what I mean. As I continue to analyze then overanalyze and drive myself certifiably mad I hear the shrill sound of the bell. Class is over and so it begins.

"Brookie you sneaky little person not telling us you have BF!Who is this Romeo who just has to confess his love to you?" asks Beaven.  
>"It's just so sweet you know like it's the gesture I mean he obvs paid like a trillion dollars but it's the gesture of I LOVE YOU SO MUCH" gushes Milly.<p>

I try to tell them I don't know who they are from and no I don't have a boyfriend and I almost thought it was Mr. Harper that's how much I don't have a boyfriend but I feel a swift arm grab and get pulled into the secret garden. The secret garden is a not so secret patch of grass with a bench and some rocks that the year 10s get each year. The most popular group is of course handed the honor of having it for the entire year. Democracy ladies and gentleman.

"So who is he? I thought I was your best friend but you have been acting weird and all this time I thought this was about Lindzz" snaps PSawyer.  
>"PSawyer you know I would tell you. I have no clue who sent me the flowers" I snap back while furiously shoving the card attached to the flowers.<p>

PSawyer's face softens and she reads out the card in a very dramatic seductive hushed tone.

"Well this is adorable some guy out there likes little Brooke. I mean he is probably a freak because he goes and does something THAT over the top but I mean this is good" gushes PSawyer. Now once again I am older than PSawyer and yes in hindsight her condescending manner should have bothered me but at that moment I thought yes what a weirdo why can't he just add me on Facebook like a normal guy.  
>"So listen Brookster you hottie, Lindzz is turning 16 next Thursday as you probably know and I wanted to get her a Swarovski charm for her charm bracelet and it's like $130 so mind if I borrow your card?" asks PSawyer meekly.<br>"Um well that's a lot and you know my dad he checks the credit card… can't you get her something more affordable" I ask already knowing the wrath I am about to get.  
>"Well then tell daddy dearest that you need that money for a school trip. Or that your precious tennis coach needs more cash. I don't know Brooke help me out here. I already hinted that I will be getting her the crystal encrusted best friend charm and you know how Lindzz gets when she doesn't get her way. She will be so upset" PSawyer says and after all these years of knowing her I can see the desperation in her eyes.<br>"The best friend charm? The one we talked about getting on our WEDDING DAYS? And you want me to pay for it? For a girl who hates me and who's epic beach bash I happened to be not invited to" I exclaim half in disbelief and half in pure rage.

Now I swear I don't really ever get epically angry because of all that life's too short nonsense but I could feel my blood pressure rising. I start to walk way and PSawyer is in panic mode "Brookie first of all you are not my best friend you are my soul sister. I wouldn't be anywhere without you. Second Lindzz doesn't hate you it's just that you are a bit too close to HER boyfriend you know. Like I mean sure you guys are childhood friends but come on you are both adults now and you can't blame her for getting the wrong idea". At this point I am sort of seeing red but she said the soul sister thing but then she defended that insecure Lindsey and I can't decide what I am feeling so I decide to keep walking but not before turning my head around and saying "Peyton ask Lindsey if you can go over to her place tonight instead I have to go somewhere". Before she can respond I start walking away towards Milly and Beaven who are still going on about the flowers and the mystery man. As I look up from the conversation I see Lindsey hugging Peyton and Lindsey looks up and gives me this spine chilling smile. I know now that today is the day that I lost my bestest friend, my soul sister. Today is the day that PSawyer becomes Peyton forever.

_Review, likes, comment, questions? Appreciate anyone who is taking the time to read this. I promise I will include Julian soon just want to build the Brooke character first. _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 **

**_2 years later _**

Final year of high school, see that's the thing about being a teenager you are young in the eyes of adults but in your mind there is no one more experienced in life. The end of my high school life kind of made me react in a way I didn't expect, I was anxious for the next part of my life. The unknown part. So over the last two years many things changed, I had a new group of friends after having the same best friend and group since kindergarten, I found out my great potential in storytelling and writing and changed my career ambition from a lawyer to a journalist and I have a boyfriend. Yes, my very first boyfriend. And who is he you might ask? Well he's grand gesture garden boy of course. And no before you jump to some sort of weird conclusion I didn't fall for the flowers and just decide to date some stranger. Well okay he isn't a stranger. Let me just start from the beginning.

So garden boy is actually Julian's best mate, Lucas. I've obviously met him throughout the years considering how close Julian and I were and still are. So two years ago when Peyton and I fell apart I really believe I went through some form of depression. I mean okay it sounds silly, I lose a friend and I get depressed how dramatic but it ran deeper than that. Without Peyton I felt like I lost a bit of myself. I realized that I wasn't actually seen as an individual but more so as an entity so take her away and I am a shy, slightly awkward, sarcastic girl. Immediately sides were picked and Lindzz/Peyt were in campaigning mode, putting down my name at any chance, making up nasty rumors and when Julian decided to end his relationship with Lindsey well to put it delicately shit hit the fan. I however did find out who were really my friends such as Beaven and Milly who I always thought were a bit ditzy turned out to be my rocks. They were and still are there for me at every step. So it took a few months and sometimes I felt better without my old life and sometimes I would catch a glimpse of them at the secret garden or outside the station with the boys from our group and I would just be so desperate to be part of that again.

So it was one of those days where my old life seemed to much easier. Starting over was hard work, rewiring your brain was hard and having individual thoughts well who wanted to do that. So I am walking to the station, usually I walk with the Milly and Hayles but they had chemistry tutoring on Wednesdays, and I hear a cat call. I turn around to see Peyton, Lindsey, Clay and Owen surrounded by a few more people who don't really seem relevant to this story. I keep walking and Lindsey says "yeah keep walking you dirty head jobber". And Owen who is someone I've known for a decade start pretending to unzip he pants and yelling "I could do with one even from someone as filthy as you Brooke". Now this is the same Owen that when his father died slept on my couch for months to avoid his mom and her drunken boyfriend. The same Owen that cried on his 14th birthday because he had no one to show him how to shave so we went on YouTube to learn. This group had already broken my heart but the pain I felt at that moment seemed unbelievable. And this point there is laughter and to me it sounds like it's the loudest laughter in the world, then I look up to see Julian pushing past the group along with Lucas. Owen is about to greet Julian as they are friends and BAM, Julian punches Owen smack bang on his face. There is a bit of confusion then it seems like lots of pushing and punching going around. I feel Lucas pull me up close to him and guide me somewhere. "Stay here Aish, seriously now don't move from here okay?" and he leaves me at the corner of a convenience store and runs back. I immediately start pacing like basically running 100 metres forward then back because I know I shouldn't go back there. I pray that Julian is not hurt and that Lucas has gone there to stop the fight not join in. After what seems like an eternity I see Lucas slowing come back with Julian leaning heavily up against him.

"Omg guys what happened? I am so sorry I really should've not turned around but I guess part of me thought one of them would stand against Lindsey and say something. These are my childhood friends for god's sake. I mean why is head jobber even an insult you know. What if someone is proud of being good at that? And Owen is he okay? I don't care but then I mean you know how temperamental his mom is and I don't him to get in trouble for a gesture that I obviously should have walked away from. Omg is that blood? Is everyone alive? Omg omg omg" I ramble and ramble while both boys look at me curiously because obviously they don't know how the comment or the gesture so it sounds like I am promoting oral sex or something.

Lucas gently puts Julian down against the wall where we can sit and walks over to me. I expect him to recap what happened or to tell me to shut up or to just walk past me or something but instead he comes over to me like 2 inches from my face and gently cups my face and kisses me. For the first time in my life I am not only speechless but my mind even shuts up. "This is two years I've been waiting to do this twinkle eyes" and he winks at me. Still not being able to comprehend what is happening I look around to see if anyone saw and then make direct eye contact with Julian. He is all beaten and he looks at me with uneasy eyes but almost instantly he smiles at me and says "Atta girl I told you there are still Romeo's out there". I laugh and then turn back to Lucas and hug him. Not because I am an incredibly sentimental person but at that moment I really didn't know what else to say. And that is how I got my first boyfriend and my first real kiss because kissing Julian when I was 5 years old while playing pretend husband and wife at daycare doesn't count.

So now we've been together for almost 2 years and Lucas and Brooke seem to be a much loved couple. I've heard people call us Brucas which I don't particularly like because it makes me feel like my relationship defines me but enough of that feminist talk for now. I mean we obviously fight and there are times I just don't feel like we need to spend as much time together as he would like to but I think that's what happens when two different personalities collide. Luke is a storybook romantic with the grand gestures and talking about feelings and I am a realist. Hey they do say opposites attract right. He also seems to get bothered by Julian and my friendship but not in a jealous way more of a "if my girlfriend is too busy to hang out with me then I would call up my best friend but wait my best friend is best friends with my girlfriend and they are hanging out together tonight". And when he puts it like that I guess it does sound like he is getting the raw end of the stick a bit. But overall we are happy.

While reflecting on our routine relationship I hear a knock on my window. And of course I know its Julian here to bug me even though my parents and my brother know he's been doing this since we were 12 he insists this climbing through my window is our little secret. I turn towards the window expecting Shay to be there with his usual smirk and a DVD at hand but Julian is kind of swaying on the spot. I jump out of bed with immediate concern and go to him and he I realize he's been drinking.

"Julian you idiot, what on earth are you doing here drunk? My parents will kill you for drinking and then kill me for somehow not stopping you" I yell.  
>"Brooke can you shoosh I am not drunk, I am tipsy okay? And if you stop yelling you parents won't know. I just need to sober up completely before I go home please Brooke you know my mom" he pleads<p>

"Fine well sit down and drinks some water" I chuck him a water bottle. He is very obedient which kind of makes me laugh. We sit on my bed and I pick up my worn down copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire while Julian lies down. I see that the bed side lamp is making him squint so I decide to turn it off and now we are in my room in the darkness. The darkness seems to alarm Julian and I can feel him stirring under the covers and then he asks "hey Brooke aren't you going to ask why I'm drunk".

I think about it for a moment and I turn to him and say "well you'll obviously tell me when you want to. All that matters right now is that you are okay and so Julian, are you okay?" I ask gently.

After what feels like forever Julian slightly sits up and now that we have adjusted to the darkness I can see his face is looking very tired and sad. Before he can say anything I go in for a hug because I know that with Julian sometimes words don't come easy but he is a very affectionate person. But today I feel him not hug back but instead go very rigid like hugging me is hurting him physically somehow.

"Brooke don't…I mean please just…" he struggles with his words.

"Okay what is wrong with you, I know I said tell me when you are ready but since when is hugging me not something you can do. Honestly Julian I have always been there for you. Like always and now you come in DRUNK expect me to protect me from your family and then just leave. Fine you can fcking use me then" I say and I can feel my voice starting to shake out of anger and also because the idea of Julian using me for a place to crash just devastates me.

"It's not like that Brooke if I tell you then you will never want to be my friend. You will hate me Brooke just please let me be here and tomorrow I'll sober up and we can forget about this" he pleads.

This angers me more. How dare he think I wouldn't be by his side for anything and everything? How dare he minimize our friendship? I try and get up from bed but since prior to the argument we were hugging I literally am half stuck on the bed. I untangle myself is the most ungraceful way possible but I feel Julian grab my arm.

"What now? Let me guess I am too stupid to understand what you might be going through. Or you can't trust me because I'll tell Lucas or I am just not a good enough friend to you" I continue half rambling and half raging.

And then suddenly without warning Julian pulls me back on to the bed and his lips come crashing on to mine. After the initial shock I realize I am kissing him back and at first I am just kissing him on his lips but I feel his tongue run across my lips and I slightly open my mouth and almost instantly the passion intensifies. Then I realize that Julian and I are kissing that his hands are rubbing my back and my singlet is lifting out of place. I become aware of the fact that I am not wearing a bra because I take it off before bed and that I can feel my hardened nipples press against his chest and I push him back slightly. We are both looking at each other and panting.  
>"Brooke I am so sorry I didn't want to do this to you. You are my best friend but honestly I haven't been able to stop thinking about kissing you for like years. I tried so hard to date others to fall for others because I need you so much that if this doesn't work out and we break up I won't be able to cope. So I have tried to get you out of my mind. I tried to say you dating Lucas was good and I tried to not kiss you but…"and he stops and we look at each other and I know that the lust in his eyes is reflected in my eyes. I get up and walk towards the door and I can see Julian just watching me silently. And then I do the most unlikely thing I could do, I lock the door and walk back to my bed. And then without a word we both know that this isn't going to end with a conversation. Julian lifts my singlet off and he groans "oh my god Brooke I don't know how long I can hold on?" He starts to squeeze my nipples first gently and then hard. I moan out loud. I didn't know of this type of pleasure because well Lucas and I only ever kissed and lightly fondled. It frustrated him to no end but you see that the thing this isn't something I do. I am not comfortable with these thing or so I thought.<p>

By now we are both naked and through whispers and moans just conveying all the pent up need for each other. I feel Julian's fingers stroke my thighs and I swear I think I am about to die from pleasure. While doing that he is licking my nipples, I grab his face and give him the most passionate kiss ever. This literally stops him on the spot and I think I have done something wrong. He then murmurs "Brooke are you sure about this. I know you and you don't do this with just anyone. Trust me I only have my sanity knowing that you don't do this with ANYONE" he emphasizes. I look him in the eyes and pull him tighter until I can feel him hard against me. I slowly start spreading my legs and guiding him in. He looks at me with such lust I think I will pass out. And gently I feel him entering me. At first I feel an instant pain and he realizes and goes to stop but I push my hips forward saying please don't with my body. He continues gently and slowly and we are now kissing each other. I feel him moan and I say "go faster now" and before he can make sure I am okay I say "please Julian's fast and hard and cover my mouth because I will moan too loudly". And then began what I can only call the best moment of my life. Our bodies just warped into one and the rhythm was just unbearable. And then I hear Julian say "Brooke I am going to come so I need to get out of you" and as he is about pull out I pull him closer and say "come…inside me…together" though panting. And it seems like that's all he and I both needed because within a minute I feel a gush warmth run through me and I am convulsing.

Then I realize I just cheated on Lucas. But before that can hit me I realize that I just had sex and finally the biggest realization…I love Julian.

_Review please :) I realize this seems like it escalated quickly but there are many more chapters to come. The first few are setting up the main topics throughout this story. _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Big realizations are way less dramatic in real life. There is no music playing in the background as you walk to school, there are no declarations of love in front of all your peers, in the end big realizations are just festering thoughts, what if scenarios and omg what did I do moments all in your own. Well at least that is what they were for me.

So after a weekend of hiding in my room, not managing to get out of my head I wake up on Monday with some clarity. See I know that the one thing I absolutely have to do is break up with Lucas. I mean there's the gut wrenching guilt every time he messaged over the weekend with a "hi" or "miss you" but also there's the whole I'm in love with my best friend thing. And no I will not be telling Julian this. After the 'incident' we had a magical few hours of just being in each other's arms. See the thing with me and Julz is that we never really needed to fill in the silences. There was something comforting about that and in that moment it was perfect. And I drifted off to probably the most peaceful sleep I've had since I was removed forcefully from my mother's womb. And when I woke up well you know how the story goes, he was gone. And I can make 100000 excuses about how he was also feeling guilty and confused and unsure but at the end of the day he left me alone and didn't contact me the whole weekend so as much as I've had this big realization about Julian Baker I also have to come to terms with that sometimes after a few drinks things get out of hand. And I'm fine though I remember someone once told me FINE stands for Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional so I am most definitely FINE!

So as I walk to school, refusing my usual ride from Beaven the only thing I know for sure is that I need to end things with Luke. And I have this brilliant speech in my head and you might be wondering why wouldn't I just tell him the truth and why would I need to prepare something. I am not a coward firstly but I can't break up with him and end his friendship with Julian. That is not my place. Or maybe I am a coward trying to wear a hero's coat. Either way I just wanted to have a clean break for everyone's sake.  
>"Brooke hold up, Broooooooooke" yells out Luke.<br>I turn around my heart beating so fast I'm sure I'm a hummingbird and of course as luck would have it, he is with Julian. I almost look at the sky and give God a thumbs up because that is some wicked sense of humor.  
>"Hi guys" I say surprised at the steadiness in my own voice.<br>Julian I notice has not made any eye contact with me and once again my inner self starts to make up excuses for him but finally my brain overpowers her and I snap out of it. He left I keep repeating in my head.

Luke kisses me on the cheek and I swear I flinch but not before I notice Julian's eyes darken.  
>"So our boy here has some big news he wants to share with you. I mean honestly the fact that he told me before you is a bit wtf but you know what they say bro's before…beautiful angelic girls" says Luke excitingly.<br>"Good save" I reply sarcastically  
>"So what's the news?" I continue<br>"Well Brooke, I um well the thing is, I really should've." Julian stutters.  
>"Oh come on mate just say it. She'll be delighted for you. My girl has a heart of gold" says Luke.<br>"I'm leaving, I got the Archibald scholarship for Track and you know how my parents would've struggled to pay for college so this is amazing and I mean London…"and he said more things but at this point I couldn't hear anything. I was trying to concentrate on breathing because well apparently breathing is important.  
>"Brooke? You okay Brookie" questions Luke.<br>Julian is trying to find a lolly or anything sweet in his bag because apparently I look like Casper who as I recall is a ghost of some sort.  
>"I'm FINE guys sorry I'm fine. Just a bit shocked is all obviously. Congrats Julz really happy for you. Your folks must be so proud of you. Listen though I have that Trig test and you know Mr. Peaker is just nuts about when he sets test. See you both later?" I say once again surprised at how upbeat my voice sounds.<p>

As I walk away I can hear Luke telling Julian that he was worried for no reason. And how everything went well. Yup it went well that's for sure I mean he left my bed, he's leaving the country and all that is going through my head is this quote I once saw in a movie or maybe I read it I don't know,

'People ALWAYS Leave'

_Reviews please? Bit of a shorter chapter. This is a rather large story in my head but it didn't seem to attract a lot of attention so not sure if I should continue. I wanted to humanize the loved characters a bit more. Thank you to LiteratureSoccerEnthusiast for your review. It definitely put a smile on my face._


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